It's been several months since my last post. I have had a lot on my mind and many things going on. I will list out some things as they come to mind--in no particular order.
We went to Colorado for vacation. It was wanted and needed. I was excited and terrified. Excited for a change in scenery but terrified to leave my mom behind. More on the mom part later.
I have been busy with work, doing a project from home. They have asked me to work on this through March 2011. I am thrilled! To think that a year ago I thought it was the end of my career at the card factory and here I am...plugging away, "enriching lives." :) Things really do work out as they should.
The boys are back at school. It's been good so far but I could do without the homework and the early mornings. I was not ready for summer to be over. I like the freedom that summertime allows--late bedtimes, no structure, no homework, pool time, flip flops. Back to school...boo. I won't tell them that though.
I still miss my dad. I am tearing up just typing that. My heart and mind ache to hear his voice, listen to some of his advice and his famous (or infamous) stories. Some days I think I am doing better and some days I am back to square one. I was cleaning out my jewelry box the other day and found my gold dolpin necklace that my dad gave me in 1991. I used to wear it every day--never took it off. Not for bed. The shower. Working out. It was on non-stop. I can't remember why I stopped wearing it now. Maybe it is because I wear silver constantly now. Who knows? When I found it, I burst into sobs. Big, tearful sobs. Part of me wants to put that necklace on again and the other part of me is afraid the sobs will start up when I see it on me. I will try it on soon.
Grayson is now on a competitive swim team. He loves it and he looks like he is a pretty strong swimmer. I know my dad would love it. He swam in high school, college and for the Navy. He taught me to swim. The other day at practice there was a little girl there in a t-shirt that read "Navy Swimming." I did a double take because I thought it was an Old Navy shirt at first. It wasn't and I took that as a sign that he was there. There watching his oldest grandson pound some waves into that pool.
I worry about my mom. She is not sleeping well and I know she is lonely. I had lunch with her yesterday. She is wearing my dad's ring with the Navy wings on her ring finger. That breaks my heart. My friend, Julie, thinks it is a good thing for her to be able to do that. I just think it's sad. It's like she can't wear her wedding ring anymore because her husband is gone but she can't leave it empty either. I am worried about her all the time. Hoping she is healing. Hoping she is resting. Hoping she is finding some peace. Hoping she is safe because I don't know what I will do if anything happens to that amazing woman. It shakes me to my core to think about it.
I know that this blogging thing should be good for me. And someone like me likes to talk to it would be a good avenue to unload my thoughts without boring people to death. I need to make the time.
I know this sounds like I am drowning in a sea of melancholy. I'm not. I am living a pretty happy life. I have some supportive friends that get me through. I have a great husband who makes me laugh and is understanding. I have beautiful healthy boys that I love with every ounce of me. I am grateful. I am happy. I am pretty lucky.
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